


Cold Hands, Cold Souls

by KitKqtEnderheart



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Chara and Frisk Share a Body, Chara's a butthead but they try not to think about that too much, Depression, Gen, ITS NOT OVER YET, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mentions of Violence, Oops, Panic Attacks, READ A/N, joking about depression and pretending it isn't a serious thing, no sans ain't gonna date the oc sorry, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10055543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKqtEnderheart/pseuds/KitKqtEnderheart
Summary: Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, discussion of illness, implied threats/fear, implications of possible self-harm/abuse.This literally started as "Sans has abnormally cold hands, even for a skeleton. What could possibly be wrong?" and turned into... this?Also, yes, this is going to have multiple chapters. I don't know how soon I'm going to post them or how I'm going to end this, but I definitely want to solve the entire Sans-has-cold hands mystery. We most definitely have not gotten to the bottom of this yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, discussion of illness, implied threats/fear, implications of possible self-harm/abuse.
> 
> This literally started as "Sans has abnormally cold hands, even for a skeleton. What could possibly be wrong?" and turned into... this?
> 
> Also, yes, this is going to have multiple chapters. I don't know how soon I'm going to post them or how I'm going to end this, but I definitely want to solve the entire Sans-has-cold hands mystery. We most definitely have not gotten to the bottom of this yet.

Papyrus had always questioned why his brother refused to take off the hoodie and had hardly ever gotten a straight answer. From years of investigation, he had deduced that Sans refused to wear anything without pockets; however, he couldn't wrap his head around why.

Sans had a nightmare. Magic flaring, he jerked up, barely caught by Papyrus.

His hands were ice cold, even through the gloves.

Papyrus knew skeletons had no actual body temperature of their own to maintain (although heat and cold were uncomfortable, they were easily ignored), but his hands shouldn't have been that cold.

Sans had instinctively tried to warm his hands with Papyrus’ before realizing what he was doing and jerking away. “i-i’m sorry, bro. i didn't-”

“WHY ARE YOUR HANDS THAT COLD?” He slipped his gloves off and tucked them in Sans’ hands, who proceeded to give them right back.

“just a thing that happens. y’know. my magic going haywire.”

Papyrus had never personally been on the receiving end of Sans’ power, but he knew what it felt like.

His magic was warm and clear.

This was cold and foggy.

“TH-”

“welp. I gotta go.” Sans grabbed his hoodie and made a hasty leave out of the wrong door, no doubt taking a “shortcut” to wherever he planned on slacking.

Papyrus sighed and headed out on patrol. There was no finding Sans when he didn't want to be found.

* * *

**“H u m a n .”** They froze in what seemed to be fear. He had learned that his mumbling seemed creepy to others a long time ago and loved using it to scare people. The human's reaction did not disappoint.  **“Don’t you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and s h a k e m y h a n d .”**

They slowly turned around, glancing back at the approaching creature. He had angled his hood at just the perfect angle to shadow all but his eye socket, which he allowed a bit of magic to seep into. The human hesitated before whipping the rest of the way around and grabbing his hand.

_ pffllrfbt.  _ As Sans started talking to the human, he never actually let go of their hand. It was just so warm and his were so cold and- wait, were they…?

“hey, kid. take my jacket.” He kept his worse arm in the background as he passed the jacket over. Paps would've noticed immediately (and had; he never pushed when Sans blamed clumsiness, but he was pretty sure Papyrus had come to a somewhat incorrect conclusion), but the kid was distracted and hummed their thanks before allowing themself to be guided through Snowdin.

“quick, behind that lamp.” After the human was well hidden, Papyrus approached. “‘sup, bro?”

* * *

It wasn't the usual round of puns and groans. Papyrus began questioning him: Why were his hands so cold? Since when was his magic that cold? What  _ really  _ happened to his arm? Where did his jacket go? Why did he stop giving overly scientific explanations and start dodging questions? What had such an impact on the skeleton brothers that it’s affecting the timeline this majorly? They knew there were slight variations each time, whether it was Sans remembering (these were usually the genocide timelines) or Undyne briefly recognizing them (these were usually pacifist or no-kill neutral runs); however, nothing had affected the timeline enough to disturb this conversation. It had always gone the same:

> “YOU KNOW WHAT ‘SUP,’ BROTHER! IT’S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T RECALIBRATED. YOUR. PUZZLES! YOU JUST HANG AROUND OUTSIDE YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?”
> 
> “staring at this lamp. it’s really cool. do you wanna look?”
> 
> “NO!! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE!?! I WANT TO BE READY!!!”

And so on and so forth.

Sans didn’t remember this timeline. That was good. He didn’t know that they knew exactly what temperature a skeleton usually was. He didn’t know they’d spent years over the course of time using certain skelebros as pillows, figuring out exactly how their magic worked, teaching themself how to dodge every attack perfectly…

Frisk hated that they kept resetting.

Chara hated that the only ending they could never get for themself was the best ending. The one where nobody had to die and everyone was their friend.

When Frisk had faced them after their first genocide run, Chara had hope. They knew Frisk needed consequences, but… did it really have to be permanent? After all, they assumed they could go back anytime. For the price of Frisk’s soul, Chara had returned the world.

...Kind of. They’d returned it to a usable state. There was no way Frisk was going aboveground with THAT kind of strength. That would be just plain stupid.

When Chara had woken up as Frisk, they’d been ecstatic. It had worked! They could finish this! They could free the monsters- just like they had originally planned!

Asgore killed them again and again. Chara never really wanted to reload, but it happened, so they did. They fought and spared their father. Flowey hijacked control over the world. (Chara was pretty sure it was just another dimension and everything was fine.) They were still able to bring themself back from death, stunning Flowey, who immediately played it off as their determination not allowing them to die… yet. After several more deaths, Flowey was fought and spared. Flowey mentioned something about Alphys. They took the letter and went on a date. They wandered through the true lab (which was a LOT less scary when they were just scattered determination clinging to Frisk). They approached Asgore again. Everyone came. Flowey took their souls and became Asriel Dreemurr, the God of Hyperdeath. Chara couldn’t figure out how to get through this. Frisk took over, and he soon became the Serial Murderer. After a bit of saving, Frisk forgave him. They never got back control until Frisk was either sleeping (usually a few moments after Toriel gave them the pie) or right when the group photo was taken, depending on the run.

Everything had repeated for a while. They kept resetting, learning everything about everyone. Nothing helped them. They’d lost hope, but…

The hope that this timeline might be different filled them with DETERMINATION.

 

* * *

The date had ended, but they were hesitant to leave. “Sans is colder than you.”

“I HAVE NOTICED.” Papyrus wasn’t one for silence, but he managed to pull it off.

“Do you know why?” They really didn’t have much experience carrying the conversation. The most they’d done is flirt and roleplay. This wasn’t the time for either.

“NO.” They thought back to the date. He had been extremely tense then as well, often shortening his lines or speaking almost too quickly for them to follow.

“...What if I could help you figure out why?” Sans was at least somewhat human or animal (probably human, if his apparent lack of a tail meant anything), so they could figure out what could be causing it, right?

“YOU KNOW?!?” The tall skeleton lifted them by their biceps.

They resisted the urge to chuckle. “I don’t know for sure, but you guys are humanoid, right? Maybe you have some human characteristics.” Humming, they recalled what they knew about body temperature. “He could just be cold, although that’s doubtful. Skeletons don’t get frostbite, right?” Papyrus nodded, waiting for them to continue. “Well, that’s out of the question. Probably not hypothermia either. If he uses something like a keyboard or something constantly in a cold area, it could just be his hands adopting the temperature, which would also explain why he keeps his hands in his pockets. Some people just have naturally cold hands.”

“his magic is cold now, too,” he muttered.

Chara winced at that. It wasn’t like they could exactly tell him why. For some reason, Sans’ magic changes had stuck with him through the timelines. In the first run they had fought him, he  _ knew _ it wasn’t the first time that body had fought him and he had overdrained his magic, slowly making it colder and colder for a stronger effect. That had never left him. “So not natural. Got it. Um… Do skeletons get sick at all?”

“I DON’T USUALLY. SOMETIMES I COME DOWN WITH A SLIGHT COLD, BUT THAT’S IT. SANS HAS ALWAYS BEEN RATHER PRONE TO ILLNESS, THOUGH. HE JUST POWERS THROUGH IT LIKE IT’S NOTHING. I don’t think I’d actually be able to do that...” Realizing his slip, he quickly corrected, “BUT IT IS NO PROBLEM, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DO NOT GET SICK OFTEN!!”

Poor, poor Papyrus. He didn’t know they’d already found out his self-esteem wasn’t as high as he tried to make it. They hummed and tried to think through Frisk’s (surprisingly extensive for a 15-year-old who was actually probably mentally 23 now) medical knowledge. “Some eating disorders have cold hands as a symptom. He eats proper meals, right?” Papyrus’ silence revealed more than it hid. One of those things that had slipped past them in the timelines? They made a mental note and continued. “Raynaud’s is pretty common… wait, you guys don’t have blood.”

“ACTUALLY… SANS HAS BLOOD. I THINK. I DON’T KNOW WHY OR HOW, BUT HE CAN BLEED. I’VE SEEN IT.” He nervously nyehed and glanced at the door as if Sans heard them.

They knew Sans bled something, but they thought it was just ketchup. Good thing they’d never tried to dip fries in it. “Noted. Anemia?... maybe. I knew a guy who had cold hands when he had cancer, although skeletons don’t really have any way to  _ get _ cancer, as far as I can tell… That’s about all I’ve got. I don’t know anything about monster health, though. Any monster illnesses that could be doing this?”

Papyrus was still having trouble processing the things the young (ish) human had mentioned. “WHAT IS RAYNAUD’S? AND CANCER? AND ANEMIA?”

“Oh, right. Raynaud’s is just blood vessels kind of pinching together in the fingers and toes to keep people warm. Sometimes they need it, others they don’t. Cancer is… I don’t actually know. It’s a bad thing, like a tumor? Anyways, it grows and kind of destroys a person’s body. Anemia is when there’s a lack of iron in someone’s bloodstream. I’ve had it before- it’s pretty easily dealt with and isn’t fatal as far as I know.” Now was not the time to mention that they got it from a lack of human food.

“CANCER SOUNDS BAD.”

“It is. People who get it usually die. There’s certain types that are treatable through surgery and chemo and stuff, like skin cancer, but other types are either really hard or nearly impossible. There’s no real cure- if it comes back, it comes back.” Papyrus was shaking, signaling a probably incoming panic attack. “Woah, woah, Paps, don’t worry! It’s nearly impossible for Sans to get cancer! He literally doesn’t have organs. There’s like, a one in five gazillion chance that he’d get cancer, and it’d be really obvious.”

“HE’S NOT OKAY! IT  _ IS _ REALLY OBVIOUS SOMETHING IS UP! I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY BROTHER!” He had sat down, barely able to keep himself together.

“No, Papyrus! Not like that! He’s just… He does not have cancer.” He’d never had it in any other timeline, and only so much could change. The odds of him randomly developing cancer in a couple hours were lower than the chances of him getting cancer at all. Heck, it was lower than the chance of a dead person getting cancer.

Papyrus was having a full-on mental breakdown now. Shit, had the timeline fucked up too much? They went to reset but were stopped by someone they forgot was there. They tried to focus and sighed. Too much rested on this timeline.

_ knock, knock. _ “what’s going on in there?”

Papyrus took that moment to scream “I CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN, SANS!”

A double-take. “What do you mean?”

Papyrus was still very much out of it when Sans appeared in front of Papyrus.

“you haven’t lost me.” Sans glared at Chara, who backed away and held up their hands.

“I didn’t try to, I s-swear! I was j-just talking to him ab-about human st-stuff, and he- he jumped to conclusions!”

**“What kind of human stuff, k i d d o .”** It wasn’t a question.

“Hu-human sickne-nesses! I shouldn’t ha-have brought it up! I’m sorr-” Sans had the same manic look in his eye as when they had killed everyone. They tried not to think about it. “I’m sorry! Please! P-please don’t k-kill m-me! I’m I-I-I- sor-please-sp-I-” They gave up on trying to speak cohesively and slumped in the corner farthest from Sans, whispering tear-filled pleas for mercy.

* * *

Great. Now he had to deal with it, too. He’d leave the… the… what was it? It didn’t seem quite human, and all of his instincts screamed  _ destroy, kill, obliterate, that thing is unnatural, it is not a human, make it suffer, _ and it seemed to recognize something- rage?- that had sent it into a blubbering mess. At least it wasn’t near Papyrus. He’d deal with it later.

Papyrus was still muttering about Sans being gone, how he couldn’t leave him alone, how it wasn’t fair, how he’d much rather die in Sans’ place, how it was too late. It was always too late.

“paps?”

“Sans, th-this is no ti-time for pranks. I kn-know it’s not you. I can f-feel it… nyeh… in m-my bones.”

Sans would’ve beamed if he wasn’t dead-set (heh) on helping Papyrus. This had never been his thing, but damn him if he didn’t give it an honest try. “paps? can you feel this?” He tucked one of the discarded gloves in Papyrus’ hand and held them together.

“S-sans? I d-don’t like th-this dream any-anymore.”

_ no. _

He had avoided telling the kid that he remembered certain resets. He knew they knew he could remember the genocide runs and a few of the worst and best routes, but they didn’t know he knew all of them. He didn’t know Papyrus remembered them, either.

“papyrus? can you breathe with me?” He overexaggerated the (entirely unnecessary and completely habitual) breath. Papyrus had soon attempted to sync his breathing with Sans (key word: “attempted”) and had eventually calmed down enough to relax.

“S-SANS?”

“yeah, bro?”

“I NEED YOU TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING.”

“what?”

“DON’T DIE FROM ANY STUPID FU-FRICKING HUMAN ILLNESSES. AND JUST. DON’T GET ANY EITHER. IF YOU CAN AVOID IT.” Papyrus didn’t usually swear, but he had a tendency toward stress cursing.

“i’ll do my best, b-”

“OH MY GOD THE HUMAN!!!” Papyrus interrupted.

Sans glanced to the thing still huddling in the corner. Oops. It was staring at him in fear, clearly ready to bolt if he so much as turned.

“SANS, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM??!”

“i ain’t done anything to ‘em.”

“SANS, YOU VERY CLEARLY DID.” He crossed the room in two (very large, considering he was a good three feet taller than humans and most smaller monsters) strides. The “human” flinched, but allowed Papyrus to comfort them.

After a much-needed hug, Papyrus finally set down the human and left to begin training with Undyne.

* * *

“I’m sorry,” they whispered after what seemed like hours of silence. It was clear exactly what they were apologizing for. Not that they really had any guarantee he knew, but if Papyrus remembered…

“... i can't…” They had figured he would know.

“I understand. I can't, either.” It had been a long time since they had actually thought about what they were doing. They a already knew everything they would realize. They were just the same as any other piece of human trash. Their actions weren't forgivable. It didn't mean they couldn't try. “Frisk’ll be back to stay after we leave the Underground. This is the last time I’ll try.”

“kid, d-”

They brought up the reset button, punching down and waiting for just the right time to-

Sans caught their hand, but he didn't seem like he usually did when they brought out the reset button. He seemed… more at ease?

“kiddo, you’re gonna wanna save that. i know you can no-hit, but still.”

Chara stared for a moment before making the goofiest smile ever. Sans soon joined in and silly grins became full-blown laughter.

“what are we even laughing about,” Sans gasped between laughs.

“I have no idea,” they responded.

“oh my god. i can't breathe. help. tell a really sh- crappy not-funny joke.”

“My life,” they blurted, all laughter dying a moment after as the two processed what they said.

“...are you okay?”

“Eh, it’s just a thing people said back in my day.” The floor suddenly became very, very interesting.

“when?”

“2016 was the last time I was with humans.”

“you’re a young demon.”

“I literally died when I was 12. Of course I’m young. And I've never met another demon, so I don't know age comparison.”

“that… actually makes a lot of sense.”

They spent a few more minutes in silence, tolerating (and, in Chara’s case, actually kind of enjoying) each other’s company before being interrupted by Sans’ phone.

“heya, bro.” The phone was easily a foot away from his…. earhole?... but Papyrus was loud enough for both of them to hear.

“SANS? UNDYNE BURNED HER HOUSE DOWN AGAIN.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They never did get to talking about monster illnesses.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read updated tags, sorry about this
> 
> funny story, while describing the undyne fight bani-chan’s piano cover of battle against a true hero came on

Chara and Undyne hit it off pretty well, considering how badly it could’ve gone. Undyne had immediately forced them into a fight. After Undyne tired herself out, Chara had complimented her fighting skills and requested (probably unneeded) lessons. Undyne admitted Chara’s fighting skills had impressed her as well and Papyrus had suggested a group training session. Sans somehow got dragged into it as well. (The skeleton brothers noticed Undyne was still striking to kill, although the human dodged pretty well.) By the end of it, both the human and Undyne were exhausted.

“Hey, punk?” Undyne panted, grinning.

“Yeah?” Chara responded, having caught their breath more quickly.

“That was fun.”

“Agreed. Let’s do that again sometime.”

“Definitely! By the way, the name’s Undyne. What’s yours?” Undyne usually didn’t care much about names. She’d learn it eventually and probably forget it, anyways. The fact that she had actually asked proved just how much she respected the kid at that point.

“...Chisk.”

“Chisk, huh?... I like it.”

“Thanks. So do we.” At her puzzled glance, they just shook their head. “It’s a long story.”

* * *

Papyrus knocked on Sans’ door, waiting for a muttered, “five more minutes.”

It didn't come.

“TODAY’S A ‘BAD DAY,’ ISN’T IT?” Papyrus could almost see Sans staring at the ceiling, unsuccessfully trying to convince himself to get out of bed.

“...yeah.”

“MAY I COME IN?” The door swung slightly open, the closest to an invitation Sans ever really gave.

While both skelebros remembered the resets to some extent (mostly through dreams and extreme deja vu), they dealt with it differently. Papyrus used it to stay positive- after all, he’d seen the human at their worst and their best. If that wasn't proof they could be a good person, what was?

Sans, on the other hand… had convinced himself everything was meaningless now.

"WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?"

“i couldn't move. they came and they came and  _ i couldn't move, _ i could only sit there with that stupid grin and take it and i still couldn’t move…”

“IT’S OKAY, SANS.”

“but i still can't move. i thought that was  _ over. _ just another thing wrong, eh?...” Sans needed to be receptive to comfort to be able to take it. Even with a million good reasons, it was nearly impossible to force him to believe people cared.

Papyrus sat next to his brother, assisting him into a more upright position. “ONE FINGER AT A TIME.” Papyrus reached out to his brother in waves of  _ breathe, you can do this, then is not now, there is not here, I love you.  _ Sans tried to deny it ( _ Why do you still try? I’m not worth it. _ ), but there was no deterring the younger skeleton when it came to helping, especially helping his brother. There was no lying through magic, and Sans knew it.

“do you remember when…” Sans had always hated talking about  _ then _ , and even Papyrus held distaste for the man who created them.

“HOW COULD I FORGET? YOU ALWAYS PROTECTED ME LIKE I WASN’T JUST YOUR BROTHER.”

Sans pulled out his half a soul, prompting Papyrus to do the same. Papyrus’ half had always been unusually bright for a monster, radiating a warm, homey feeling. Sans’ half used to be even brighter and warmer, nearly blinding to monsters with eyes. When he had been selected to be the King’s personal Judge, King Asgore had mentioned it being as bright as, if not brighter than, the sun. It had always been protective, ready to fight- and defeat- anyone who had meant harm. His abnormally high ATK, DF, HP, and MP had made him the perfect person for the job, and he had done it well. For Papyrus, Sans’ magic had always been fiercely loving. He was in no way gentle or kind; he was extremely loyal to those who gained his trust, and he used that to his advantage.

Even now, with Sans’ dim, cold soul, he could feel it. It was weaker, but it was there.

> SANS SERIF  
> 1 ATK - 1 DF - 1 HP - 999999 MP  
> *Hurting. 
> 
> PAPYRUS  
>  20 ATK - 20 DF - 680 HP - 500 MP  
>  *Determined to help.

 

* * *

 

“heya.”

“Sans, cut the crap. I already know it’s you.” Chara tapped their foot impatiently. “If you’d hurry up and do your thing, I have a brother to save.”

He just stepped aside, winking. “you ain’t killed anyone. you’re good.”

They entered the throne room and approached Asgore, easily keeping pace with his longer strides through the castle. “You’re a quick one, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

“I learned it from my dad,” they replied, beaming. “I learned everything from him.”

“He sounds like a good person.”

“The best.”

The king in the mountain would soon learn just how good.

* * *

 

*Almost there, Chara.

**MERCY > SPARE**

“Isn’t that delicious? Your “determination.” The power that let you get this far… It’s gonna be your downfall!” Asriel’s maniacal laughter didn’t help Chara's peace of mind. Somehow, they dodged everything Asriel threw at them once again.

_ Miss. _

*One more!

**MERCY > SPARE**

“Now, ENOUGH messing around! It’s time to purge this timeline once and for all!”

Chara was soon being sucked into a large Gaster Blaster-like contraption.

“... even after that attack, you're still standing in my way...? Wow... you really ARE something special. But don't get cocky. Up until now, I've only been using a fraction of my REAL power! Let's see what good your DETERMINATION is against THIS!!” He transformed into an even more badass version of himself. “Ura ha ha… Behold my TRUE power!” They were soon struggling to dodge flames.

*ACT > STRUGGLE 5 times.

**ACT > STRUGGLE**

_ Can’t move your body. _   
  
“I can feel it... Every time you die, your grip on this world slips away. Every time you die, your friends forget you a little more. Your life will end here, in a world where no one remembers you…”   
  
**ACT > STRUGGLE**   
_ Can’t move your body. _   
  
“Still you’re hanging on?...”

**ACT > STRUGGLE  
** _ Can’t move your body. _

**ACT > STRUGGLE  
** _ Can’t move your body. _   
  
*Get ready!

They began to SAVE the monsters.

* * *

 

“You’re not Chara, are you? Chara’s been gone a long time.” Asriel smiled sadly.

“Not exactly…”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m both the first and the eighth human. The eighth human, Frisk, did a bad thing. They ended up giving their soul to the first human, Chara. We aren’t really just Frisk or Chara anymore… We go by Chisk.” It felt good to finally get the story out. Even though they might still need to tell Undyne. Maybe. Everyone always seemed to know Frisk’s name, so they had to have some level of consciousness while inside Asriel.

“That makes no… actually, that’s totally something Chara would do.” The two of them broke out into hysterical giggles.

“By the way, I have a plan to get you a soul. You might have to wait a while, but… what if we could get you the soul of a human who had just died?”

“I don’t… you’re going to do it anyways, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

* * *

“Knock, knock.” Chisk knew the smaller skeleton couldn't resist a good knock-knock joke.

“who’s there?”

“chisk.”

“chisk who?”

“Me.”

Sans glanced away from the sunset to look at the human. One brown eye, one red eye. They were similar enough in tone for them to pass as a normal brown-eyed human, but to someone who knew, it was obvious.

“heh, you really are chisk now. huh?”

“We’ve been Chisk this entire timeline. We just didn’t realize it until now.” They offered a hand, and Sans took it without thinking. “By the way, Sans?”

“yeah, chisk?”

“Your hands are still cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun DUUUUNNNNNNNNNN


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They try to help Sans with limited success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MURDER, ASSAULT, AND IMPLICATIONS OF THINGS THAT COULD BE CONSIDERED DRUG ABUSE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. There is also a brief mention of 
> 
> this was 8 1/2 pages in google docs rip my hand

Alphys, Papyrus, and Chisk plunked down in a circle around Sans, dropping large stacks of papers nearby.

“woah, what’s the occasion?” Sans chuckled as they immediately began trading stacks.

“Personal research project on monster and human illnesses and which ones could affect cross-species. Wanted to do it near you for Papyrus’ well-being.” The way Chisk signed while speaking reminded him of someone he’d rather not think about.

“Y-you wouldn’t be low on m-m-magic, would you?” Alphys glanced at the skeleton, one eyelight trained on Chisk and the other glancing around the circle. A quick blink ignited the one staring at Chisk while they weren’t looking. “I-I’ll take that as-as a no.”

Chisk may not have noticed, but Papyrus certainly did. It wasn’t as if he had never experienced his brother’s wrath. It was never directed toward him (when Sans was angry enough to need to supress his magic, he would leave until it burnt down), but it was no less scary to be the one he would protect. The near cold-blooded murder Papyrus had witnessed was burned into his memories forever.

[SANS, PLEASE…] Papyrus signed behind Chisk’s back. This was a brand of sign language unique to monsters, but he could see similarities between Chisk’s signing and monster signing and didn’t want to scare the human...s.

[sorry, bro.] “why are my hands so interesting all of a sudden? i’ve had them forever.”

“Throw us a  _ bone, _ Sans. Why are you dodging the questions? It’s not like you can’t just lie, right?” Chisk raised an eyebrow when he didn’t answer. “I gotta  _ hand _ it to you, Sans. I’d have never thought that was your fatal flaw.”

“why would that be a flaw?”

“Would you be able to lie to protect the ones you love?”

“why would i  _ need _ to?”

“Let’s say… someone… threatened you and you acted all indifferent because at this point, you probably really don’t give a shit whether you live or die.”

“CHISK…”

They pulled a gold piece out of their inventory and tossed it across the room into the quickly filling swear jar. “Anyways, you might have a preference for living, but I doubt you would fight for your life if other people weren’t at stake. So then the person figures this out and threatens Paps. Your silence would just confirm what they could guess. If you fought back, you’d give everything away, and even you can’t dodge forever. Would you be able to tell someone you didn’t care, that they could go after him and hurt him and you wouldn’t care?”

“i…”

“SANS, IT’S ALRIGHT.” Papyrus glanced away for a moment, preparing himself. “NO, WE CAN’T DIRECTLY LIE. WE CAN LIE BY OMISSION AND STRETCHING THE TRUTH, BUT WE CANNOT COMPLETELY FABRICATE A LIE. NOT ONLY ARE WE TERRIBLE AT IT, BUT IT CAUSES PHYSICAL PAIN.”

“if we don’t lie carefully, we could die. downsides of having blue magic.”

“MUCH LIKE GREEN MAGIC MAKES IT MUCH HARDER TO HARM PEOPLE.”

“surprised undyne’s still alive, honestly. although she has a lot of determination as well. probably helps.”

“N-no, it’s not the d… d… that. she never properly trains her yellow aspect, but she’s definitely got it.” Alphys nervously glanced at Chisk, who nervously glanced at Papyrus. Papyrus glanced at the books in front of him.

“I’LL GET A LAPTOP. I DOUBT THOSE SYMPTOM GENERATOR THINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED WITH MONSTER SYMPTOMS, BUT MAYBE SOME OF THE MORE PHYSICAL THINGS COULD BE FIGURED OUT.”

* * *

"why is my age important?” Sans leaned over to glance at Chisk’s phone.

“HE’S ABOUT THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF 20.” Thank Asgore  _ someone _ was willing to answer these stupid questions.

“Do skeletons have assigned sexes? I’ve never actually met a female skeleton.”

“neither have we. why do you think we’re both gay?”

“SANS, YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON TUMBLR.”

“that’s about the only place it’s socially acceptable to openly be anything but a cis straight white human male, bro.”

“HAVE YOU TRIED ANYWHERE I SHOWED YOU?”

“oh, yeah. i forgot about your thing for m-”

“SKELETONS DO NOT HAVE ASSIGNED SEXES!”

Chisk chuckled. “Where’s the intersex button when you need it?”

“what’s intersex? sounds like a mix of intercourse and sex.”

“I’M SURE THEY MEANT IT IN A CLEAN WAY!”

“Intersex is when someone physically does not have a defined sex. Maybe they have… gendered parts… but their internal organs might not line up, or maybe they somehow have both or neither… it’s not common in humans, but you’d think the world would have some courtesy.” They paused, tapping the male button. “I’m just gonna say you’re a guy, ‘kay?”

“sounds good. next question?”

“Hmm… Symptoms? Cold hands, of course, but what else?”

“INABILITY TO EAT A FULL MEAL? EVEN AT GRILLBY’S, HE HARDLY EVER FINISHES HIS FOOD.”

“Anything else?” They tapped on the tiny screen, waiting for 

Papyrus glanced at Alphys, willing her to leave so he didn’t have to discuss this with everyone he knew. Alphys wasn’t very good at secrets.

She didn’t leave, so he leaned over and whispered in their ear.

“Papyrus, that’s-”

“PLEASE DON’T SAY IT.” He paused, thinking again. “HE HAS A GENERAL LACK OF ENERGY.”

“Okay.” Chisk paused. “Want me to search now and we can refine later, or…?”

“SEARCH NOW. I DON’T KNOW ANY MORE OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, AND I DOUBT SANS PLANS TO CONTRIBUTE.”

“How do you print on these? I can’t pronounce most of them.”

Papyrus pulled a notebook out of his inventory. “WRITE THEM DOWN.”

> -Anemia
> 
> -Vitamin B12 Deficiency
> 
> -Leukemia
> 
> -Depression
> 
> -Dengue Fever
> 
> -Bone Tumors

“There are more that Sans probably can’t get, considering you need actual organs to get them, so...”

“BONE TUMORS?”

“I’d guess we would notice if Sans had them, but then again…” Chisk made jazz hands. “Magic.”

“if i had cancer, i’d be dead twenty times over, kiddo. next.”

“That takes leukemia off, too. Anemia?”

“eh. doubt it. we can’t eat human food, so iron wouldn’t even be in monsters with blood. nor would vitamins. next.”

“Depression?”

Snorts of laughter echoed through the house.

“THAT’S NOT NEWS.”

“ouch. thought you cared.” Sans made the goofiest fake-hurt face Chisk had ever seen.

“MORE THAN YOU.”

The way everyone seemed to treat it as a joke worried Chisk. Yes, they’d noticed Sans definitely showed signs of depression, but to see everyone just brush it off like that? They didn’t cross it off the list yet.

“O-oh, Chisk, don’t w-worry about it. It’s rare f-for a monster to  _ not _ have s-some sort of dep-depression.”

“hell, even paps wasn’t always as bright and cheery as he was now.”

“OH, TRUST ME. IT TOOK YEARS TO BELIEVE MY OWN SCHTICK. IT WAS ACTUALLY SANS WHO CAME UP WITH IT. KINDA HARD TO FEEL DOWN WATCHING ONE OF THE SMALLEST MONSTERS IN THE UNDERGROUND STAND ON A CHAIR AND FLOAT HIMSELF AROUND, SCREAMING ‘MY BROTHER IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS!’.”

“A-and some monsters… s-some even died from depression.” It took a moment for the group to realize Alphys had whispered that. “I nearly let Sans d-”

“al, it’s-”

“It’s not okay, Sans! What if y-”

“Would y’all just shaddup?” Chisk shouted. “Joking about our shi- cr- stupid lives isn’t going to make them any better! We can joke about this later! For now, let’s focus on the task at hand!”

“ain’t got any of the signs of dengue. and we don’t live in an area with mosquitoes that carry it. plus i doubt a mosquito would actually be able to bite through bone.”

“How do you know?”

“you really think i don’t actually try to explore the world? why else would i be interested in jobs that travel?”

“...Good point. We’re about out of human illnesses, unless… you’re dying…” They tried not to laugh.

Sans gave them a look and pulled his sweatpants up, revealing his calf bone. “yeah, because i’m not already dead.”

Everyone lost it.

* * *

“How long has this been going on?”

“i dunno? i guess a few months? kind of lost track of time.” 

_ Time got so fucked up you stopped giving a shit. _

If Sans could get the little voice in the back of his head to shut up, he would. Not only was it annoying, but it was so blatantly honest and decided to put its two cents in every time he tried to stretch the truth a bit. It was just another downside of integrity.

“And you’re just now coming in? Your mental health seems to be far worse than you treat it."

“i mean, if i was gonna die, i’d be dead.”

“Was there anything that happened before this that could cause it?”

“i’m assuming you’re going to talk to dr. alphys about this anyways?”

“If medication or additional assistance is required, she’s the most likely to be able to help us. Doctors who have experience with magic are… limited.” The doctor - Lee - shuffled uncomfortably on the other chair.

“hm. i started falling down a few years ago. you know how i’m the only monster with one hp?”

“What?!”

“oh, yeah, i forgot most people can’t see stats without the other’s soul revealed. here.”

Sans popped his half of a soul out, waiting for them to- Okay, NOPE, Sans was NOT letting the doctor do THAT.

“d- lee, i’d rather you didn’t touch it. there’s a decent chance of me dying.”

“I-I’m sorry! I just… I’ve never seen a soul before.”

“don’t worry about it. though mine was an awful shitty first.”

“Do they all… Are others…”

“my bro and i are the only ones with half a soul, and mine’s pretty dull.”

“So you’re special.”

“eh, not really. technically, i’m not supposed to exist.”

“But you’re special anyways.”

“... you know, if you were around the first time i died, i might actually be human right now.”

“What?”

“undead monsters - like ghosts and skeletons - are literally dead humans. ghosts are the remainders of their soul after the determination has dissipated and the soul is shattered. skeletons are dead human skeletons who have been given a soul or a suitable substitute. haven’t met any other undeads, but i find it hard to believe there would only be two. if there’s a proven possibility of alternate realities, why wouldn’t there be other undead monsters?”

“Sans, I know this is going to sound redundant considering my clientele, but having proof of alternate realities… it sounds crazy.”

“oh, i would be surprised if i wasn’t a little fucked in the head. watching a kid kill everyone tends to do that. by the way, monster dust smells and looks just like the dust you brush off your furniture. scared me and paps at first until chisk explained it.”

“Who’s Chisk?”

The loose threads on Sans’ shorts suddenly seemed very, very interesting.

“Sans?”

“they’re… they’re like… okay, so have you ever seen steven universe?”

“I love that show!”

“okay, so they’re like how garnet is a fusion of ruby and sapphire. chisk is kind of a fusion of two kids’, chara’s and frisk’s, souls, i guess? both of them coexist inside frisk’s body. frisk was the one who originally fucked with time. they k… ki… they killed everyone in the underground they could. chara forced them to hand over their soul and gained control of their body.

“chara’s goal was to free their brother and get him a soul. they were never able to actually keep control through the entire underground, though. by the time they had the chance, they weren’t in control and always let it pass. this timeline, though… they did it. they got the soul he needed from a human who had died naturally, and now he’s reunited with his parents, the dreemurrs.

“yep, asriel dreemurr was once a soulless flower powered by determination. he had much less than a human, but more than any other monster. he fucked with the timeline enough to confuse, but he hardly committed mass genocide of our entire race, as far as i know. don’t remember much after i die. that’s not the point of this story, though.

“so chara finally helped their brother, and they and frisk must have kind of fused. it’s not really noticeable, but one of their eyes is more red than brown. their hair has some reddish highlights now. frisk’s body is a lot paler than they were before, though supposedly not as pale as chara was. overall, they just changed to appear more like both of them.

“i’d have believed the resets were all a dream, but… i mean… there’s proof. i don’t have it with me, but i can show you.”

“How long does it take? We could dedicate an entire session to it if you want.”

“won’t take more than a minute. here, take my jacket. it’s a bit chilly.”

“What do you-”

Sans reached through the void, bending time and space to appear just in front of his basement door. “sorry i can’t just teleport inside. the entire place kind of defies the timespace continuum.”

Lee entered, glancing at the objects from previous resets. Pictures of sunsets, drawings, crafts, tapes, family photos… syringes, determination, knives, blood, band-aids, food…

“What is this stuff?”

“just some junk i’ve acquired over the timelines. i got a phone here with pictures of… ah, here we are!” Sans opened a second phone to an image of Lee themself. “oh, yeah. last timeline, you were one of the first people to meet us.”

“That’s what that dream was!”

“um… what?”

“Okay, who has the ability to remember resets?”

“mostly souls with determination bases, although paps and i remember from… other methods. why?”

“I had a dream where I was wandering the mountain, watching for people so I could try to convince them not to jump. Then a bunch of monsters appeared with a human kid who freed them. That must have been one of the alternate timelines!”

“there’s… there’s no way…”

“Sans, what color is my soul? Can I see it?”

“u-uh…” Now that he was paying attention, the therapist’s soul was indeed a bright red, though it held a bluish glow. “it’s red, and just… give me a moment? i haven’t done this since a few timelines ago.” Sans almost never pulled out others’ souls anymore (it made most monsters awkward to see a soul revealed by someone else), but he quickly pulled out their soul.

“It’s lovely…” they murmured.

“most souls are. after all, you’re looking at everything you are right now.” Sans awkwardly glanced at the door. “uh, i think-”

“Oh! Um… And I just…” Lee easily maneuvered their soul back into their body.

“you catch on fast.”

“Thanks! Um… Would you mind?”

Sans took their hand. “not at all.”

The only evidence they had ever been there was the snow slightly trampled near the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone's gonna be like "this isn't an accurate depiction of a visit with a therapist! sans wouldn't be that open!"  
> I am terrified of socializing with people face-to-face. It took me a whole 2 minutes to get talking and discussing with a therapist.  
> They are trained to get people to talk about their problems. If that means taking a few minutes to get the person onto a topic they know a lot about and figuring out how to get them to talk, that's what they do.
> 
> Everyone treats integrity like it's this great trait, and while it is, what if you have no way to get through it? If your traits control you to the point where acting out of character will harm someone, is it really a good thing?


End file.
